Give it up and i’ll Give it back

blog: give it up and i’ll give it back 

Something i’ve really seen come to fruition here in swazi is the favor the Lord bestows on the patient. Everything here, in swaziland, is slower. It was one of the first things I noticed in this dusty place, and one of the biggest lessons I can recall as I leave. Something I have committed to doing the first three months of my race is creating something each day with the Lord. A painting, a art journal page, something to give away, a bouquet of flowers, a drawing in the dirt with a kid. There’s something so beautiful about creating along side the creator himself; this is a HUGE I connect with the Lord. In the middle of month one I found myself struggling to keep track of the days and art. Giving away a lot more of my art than keeping it; which i love but also struggled with. I wanted to be doing pages in my art journal as to create something and be able to look back at the numbered pages with satisfaction. I wanted the satisfaction of “hah, I did it”. But that’s not what the Lord wanted out of this for me.

He started putting this verse on my heart that said something about stirred up or maybe shaken something and for almost two weeks I COULD NOT find it. Also no one I knew could site the verse either, which is unheard of on a squad of 40 something worldracers. It drove me crazy because I knew it was something the Lord kept  giving me an impression of. One day I was talking to my team leader Grace, who casually flipped open her bible concordance, and said “oh you mean Luke 6:38?” and of course, after all the trying the Lord gave me what he wanted when he wanted. The verse says, “give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, shaken together, running over, will be poured into your lap.” That night I sat before diner and waited for the sunset. I water colored the sky that night and after I was finished I looked up and saw that the pictures matched perfectly. Don’t get me wrong, you’re probably thinking, “yeah a sunset, colors, clouds, a sky. Of course they probably matched.” But when I tell you I got chills, I did. It was the Lord revealing to me, “just give and i’ll give it back”. Something that he’s been saying to me since training camp. It was him whispering then and now months later “surrender it!!! Then I can give it back to you how I want. In the most beautiful special way.” I’ve seen this so many times during my time in this beautiful country.

Small things like wanting wildflowers. Big things like a country in a 10 year drought receive rain. Things in my team and squad that i’ve seen come to fruition when i’ve, instead of begging, surrendered and held open palms to what the Lord has wanted to give me. More often than not, he gives me what I want because he knows the desires of my heart (psalm 37:4). I’ve seen this even in big things. Things I have thought I would never question. For instance: photography/videography and story telling in general; all things that if you asked me at launch, I would have told you I was so sure I would be doing the whole race. If you asked me at the end of month one, I wouldn’t have been so sure. I didn’t get opportunity to take tons of picture or capture a lot of what I ideally wanted to. I hold story telling at a high regard having seen the impact testimony can make. Not that there was anything wrong with capturing what was happening, it was just like every time I saw a door open, it would shut in my face.

It was a lot of me asking the Lord why? Why would something I know to be such a powerful ministry tool not be utilized by the Lord? Something I realized that month as well was how much more passionate I was about discipleship. I would much rather have a conversation or walk a kid home instead of capturing it. Again, a personal conviction, which in hindsight was the Lord helping me sort out some passions . What I saw as frustrating initially was actually a blessing. It was the open door I was meant to walk through. It was the Lord having me take a time out on something I loved to reveal something I love even more. So month one, I surrendered. I didn’t push for opportunities to get behind a camera. I started being content and trusting that where I was, was in fact where he wanted me. And here we are, at the end of month three, about to go to the next country, and about a week ago my squad raised me up as one of two storytelling leaders on the squad. My role being to encourage others to capture, write, and tell their own stories of the Lord. Something I am so passionate about, laid down, and give back when I was ready. I say all this to say this: give it up and he will give it back. Overflowing running over, a cup filled to the brim with exactly what you need. Jesus, thank you for knowing us so well and for never giving in to our nearsightedness. Is there anything you need to surrender?